Man really only joined angry crowd to show off fancy new torch

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MOBILE, AL β€” He seemed disinterested as he marched among a horde of angry townspeople on Thursday, a local man admitted to reporters that he had actually only joined an angry mob parading through the streets so he could show off his fancy new torch. “To be honest, I really don’t know what we’re up against or supporting here, I just wanted to give this baby a whirl,” Tony Miller, 29, said animatedly as he discussed the detailed craftsmanship of his flashlight, noting how it was likely of sufficient quality to be used in an Olympic ceremony. β€œIt’s great to swing along. You can swing it as much as you want, and it really gets the job done. I’ve gotten some pretty nice compliments on it and one guy seemed impressed when I showed him how comfortable the grip is. Obviously everyone here tonight is genuinely upset about something, and I can respect that. But if I can contribute anything to this scene, it will be to convince some of these people to upgrade their Tiki torches.” At press time, Miller was showing off the antique, hand-forged pitchfork he’d bought online.

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